It’s National Coming Out Day, so as usual, here’s the essay I wrote in 2010( slightly edited). Take time today to embrace honesty & stand in solidarity. You CAN make a difference for yourself, someone you know – or maybe someone you've never met who needs it most of all. Many of us know now that it gets better, but we must never forget the times before that; and it’s now up to us to MAKE it better for those who come next.

NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY: MAKE IT BETTER

By Ethan Miguel S.

I’m gay, i.e., a homosexual; from a Greek root prefix meaning “like” or “same”, it indicates that I am primarily attracted to people of my own sex & gender( in my case, a male attracted to other males). I suspect you knew this( otherwise, please go to the service center & get your gaydar checked out), but in honor of National Coming Out Day, I thought I’d say it again today.

In light of the recent rise of gender issues in the media & public discourse, I will also state that I am cisgender, even though this state( from a prefix meaning “on the near side of” & indicating a psychological gender consistent with one’s biological sex as seen physically at birth or evident genetically) is the assumed default and does not require a ‘coming out’ per se.

As long as transgender( from a prefix meaning “across” and denoting discord between one's biological sex & gender identity) people are treated as secondary or as “not really” the men/women they know themselves to be, to highlight the absurdity of not accepting them as such( or not accepting the uncertainty of those who question) I will happily also take the time to be explicit regarding the relationship between my biological sex & my gender identity, despite that such information is generally not a legitimate concern of anyone other than oneself, one's sexual partners, and medical personnel treating one.

I also encourage everyone, from not queer to completely out, to take a step today:

If you are mostly or completely closeted, come out to at least one new person, or a whole social circle; step into the light & breathe the sweet air of freedom.

If you are already largely out, but maybe not entirely, I challenge you to make it official & complete, to set an example for those who will come after you—“But,” you say, “it’s just a part of who I am, and besides, it’s not most people’s business.”—well, maybe it SHOULD be: if you think it’s not important, consider how your reluctance looks to those living in fear; after all, if it’s really as unimportant as you claim, if you honestly are not just afraid, then why not mention it? and do so even to those distant coworkers, today[ or this week], when you have an excuse, no, an important REASON to come out, instead of continuing to let it fall by the wayside? You may give one of them the courage to join you in the light.

If you are totally out & self-accepting( or just a cis, hetero, GLBTQ ally), remind those you know who are closeted that wherever & whenever they come out, be it today, this week, or in 20 years, there are people like you who have( seen or) been through it before, and will be there to support them & show them unconditional love.

Finally, to those really stuck in a situation that requires you to remain closeted for reasons of physical safety, unable to tell anyone or live as your true self yet today, but at least somehow seeing this… I promise, it gets better. Hang in there. Someday, you will find the place where you can be you, and know you & show your truth to others, and I know you will be amazing. *hugs*

Know that I am here for all of you, as much as I can be. If you have a problem, you can ask for my assistance, always. I will do what I reasonably can, and in return I only require that you be willing to pay it forward.

♥